Saturday, July 29, 2006

The Horrors of Marketing

So the book is finally out,...
Now comes the marketing.
I produced some lovely book marks featuring the book cover, website address etc, complete with red tassle. Very hot! And - the best part - I got a mug emblazoned with the book's cover as a holder for the bookmarks!
I dawned a pair of capris, white blouse and short string of pearls (trying to look professional) and off I marched to the local 'adult' store. I approached the two ladies at the desk, said 'good afternoon' with a smile and asked to see the manager. Oops! Perhaps that wasn't the best approach -- I swear I saw her eyes narrow while she struck a defensive pose. I'm sure she was thinking "Oh, lovely - some prissy woman's hubby came in and bought something naughty like black leather crotchless panties and she wants him banned from the store for life," or "hi, my vibrator broke and I want to return it" (YUK!) I'm sure these 'adult' shopclerks see all kinds! I quickly explained that I was a writer (I feel odd saying it aloud!) of erotic stories and would they give my bookmarks away free to their customers. They both eyed me suspiciously.
"I guess you can leave them on the counter," says Manager. Perhaps it was just my imagination, but I think I saw a measure of relief in her response to my benign request.
"What's it about?" the assitant asked.
Gulp. I hate this part!!! "Umm, well, it's an erotic story about a bored housewife who is going through a bit of a mid-life crisis and she,..."
OMG! Don't make me do this! I'm blushing furiously by now. I mean, what am I supposed to say? It's erotic for heaven's sake. The woman has sex! Hot monkey sex!! Then Assistant jumps in and says, "Oh, you mean like a Desperate Housewives sort of thing?"
"Well, um... No. It's an erotic story. It's,... an e-book!" I add desperately, like a housewife.
"What's an ebook?" Manager asks, still a bit wary.
Oh oh. Now I have to explain the publishing industry.
"It's a book that people can download onto their computer," I say.
Clearly, I've got to recruit my husband as a spy to visit the 'adult' toy store to see if they're still on the counter. Don't think he'll mind his assignment. Hell, maybe he'll buy me something to inspire my next erotic story . . .

No comments: