Love the Golden Globes.... 2008 just didn't feel right without them. And this years telecast was lovely -- the gowns were stunning, everyone looked well-behaved (even you, Colin Ferrell!), but if I had the opportunity to say a few words to the participants, here's what I'd say:
Heath Ledger - (Best Supporting Actor -drama): Wish you could have been there dude. You are missed.
Kate Winslet - (Best Supporting Actor - drama and Best Actor - drama): You're delightful, but please, next time jot a few notes down so you needn't 'gather' so much.
Sally Hawkins - Best Actor (comedy or musical): eat a sandwich. Please. You're a grown woman with the arms of a six year old.
Demi Moore: I saw your nipples. That was more of you than I ever needed to see.
Gerard Butler: try moving your whole mouth when you talk.
Ricky Gervais: I enjoyed the entire telecast, but you, sir, are da man. Made the night, imo.
Robert Downey: they should have found an excuse - any excuse - to get you on stage.
Paul Giamatti: I don't care how good of an actor you are, the bald on top-curly and longish around the sides doesn't work on anyone.
Meryl: You were robbed. I never even saw Mamma Mia, but you were forced to sing with Pierce Brosnan so that has to be worth something... at least a medal.
Brad & Angelina - it's okay that you didn't win your respective categories, you get to go home with each other.
Mr. Cruise: You know the rumors about you, don't you? For heaven's sake man, your wife is an actress. You should have brought her and left your mom home to babysit.
Drew: the Angie Dickinson c. 1968 look worked for you, somehow.
Seth Rogan: you got too skinny. Now people take you too seriously. Seriously. That's why they didn't laugh at your lame jokes.
Tina Fey: best speech of the night. Thanks for not boring us.
Did you see the Globes? Thoughts??