Thursday, December 24, 2009

Adoption Dilemma: Part Deux

In case you were wondering - hey, "where'd she go?" -- I just gotta say, after I wrote the last post on my adoption dilemma, I needed some emotional distance. I really had no idea how deep this issue would affect me.
(Or maybe the Christmas Season is too sentimental a time for me? LOL)

I guess because I have such a great family and wonderful life, I've always sort of taken my adoption in stride, never dwelled, never wallowed in the "omg - I was rejected as a baby" crap, but WOW -- I'm a bit of a mess over this.

That said, I really appreciate all who commented. Your wisdom and caring, your hugs and advice, your stories (thanks Julia-the other perspective was eye-opening) made me think, consider, and search deep for how much of this I want/can invest of myself. You all made such good points and if/when I decide to take a next step, I'll keep you posted :)

Merry Christmas to all my friends in the blogosphere, and a happy, healthy, prosperous and productive 2010.



Thomma Lyn said...

(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))) and ****rumbly purrs****, my friend. You're in my thoughts and in my heart! Merry Christmas, and I hope you have a wonderful 2010!

Miss Emily Grierson said...

Came across your blog by clicking on the "next blog" button from my blog. I was adopted out at six months of age -- the third child my birth mother conceived and didn't raise. I was born in the Monday after Thanksgiving, 1956; my birth mother handed me over the Friday before Mother's Day, 1957. My adoptive parents told me the same story yours did -- how I was "picked out" and "special." Well, let me cut to the chase -- short version -- people who adopted me abused me emotionally and physically until I "divorced" them in my 40's on counsel from my pastor. In the interim, adopted mother told me my "real name," and I was able to locate my original birth certificate. It took me 15 years to locate my half-brother -- which I did in July of 2006. Oh, all the adoption stuff took place in California, where I lived all my life until moving to New York in 2005. My brother still lives 20 minutes from where we were all born; but my birth mother moved out of CA in 1963 and came east to PA, where she's been ever since -- a two hour drive from where I'm now living! I, too, was nervous about connecting; ruminated for a couple of years and then, suddenly, all the cards were in place. I took it as a sign and moved forward. I thought my brother didn't know about me - turned out he did, and even had pictures holding me before I was adopted out. Turns out my birth mother has been in and out of mental institutions, even though she is now extremely wealthy. My half-brother never even finished high school, and suffers from aspberger's; his wife is a total nut case, and his two sons suffer from severe depression. After two years, I walked away -- and no one came after me.
I'm glad for the experience, though. I now know who I am. I know that I'm 25% Portuguese, and that my great grandparents immigrated from Portugal and came through Ellis Island before moving to Northern California. I'm a fourth generation Californian. I look EXACTLY like my birth grandmother; and I look EXACTLY like my adopted mother's mother . . . oooweeeooooo. My birth mother doesn't know who got her pregnant -- I'm okay with that . . . I now have heritage; I never had that before. I have an interesting story, and it's my story, and I know the outcome. I never had that before. I know what I looked like the first six months of my life. I never had that before. Making the decision to contact the family is extremely personal; what pushed me forward was the absolutely belief that all the cards had lined up for a reason. I couldn't have met my birth family before I did; the timing was perfect. You'll know in your gut when, and if, it's right; that's all I can tell you is that you'll know in your gut. Good luck to you!
My blog is under Miss Emily Grierson (I'm a literature professor), but my "real" name is Danette.

Julia Smith said...

Amazing - the serendipity of Miss Emily Grierson (Danette) finding you with 'next blog'. Wow.

((hugs)) Wylie - hope you have a glorious new year!

Wylie Kinson said...

Danette -- thank you so much for sharing your story with me. Fascinating, a little sad, but you seem very grounded and untouched by the negativity that could very well have crippled another, less sensible individual. I hope that no matter how my story unfolds, I'll be able to bear it with dignity.