Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Thursday Thirteen #25 - Life Lessons


Summer holidays are draining my creative juices, so I borrowed the wisdom of syndicated columnist Dave Barry - and bring you his hilarious version of

THINGS IT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN

  1. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built theTitanic.
  2. A person who is nice to you but rude to a waiter is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
  3. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
  4. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
  5. Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into some thing acceptable to have with dinner.
  6. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.
  7. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
  8. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
  9. You should not confuse your career with your life.
  10. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
  11. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
  12. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
  13. Your friends love you anyway.
Thanks for visiting and please share one of YOUR wisest or favorite life lessons in comments! I'll start you off: My fave is 'Man plans, God laughs' -- true true...

30 comments:

Bernie said...

Love this list, lots of inspiration here...

My wisest life long lesson... Hell has no fury like a women (ex-wife*) scorned...

note: I was the one who was LEFT with nothing...

If you have a spare couple of minutes, stop on by and check out our list... You will be more than welcome!

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

You are SO not 50.

As for our timing, it's not what it seems this week. The Tour Manager posted my TT to the blog and then rushed us out the door to dinner with friends. When we got home, I checked in at the hub.

Wisdom... well, talk to Trevor. He's pretty wise.

You're going to have a headache at work tomorrow around 3 and meet me at Book Depot in Thorold, right? *grin*

Wylie Kinson said...

Thanks for stopping by Bernie. I'm popping over to your place now!

SHG - nope, not 50 yet. I've got 10 more years to learn about life ;)
And if I had any idea where Thorold was, I'd be there!!

Toni said...

Thanks for sharing your wisdom, I really agree with number 12! Happy T13!

Check out my contest!

Blogaritaville, USA said...

I love this list! The one thing that I wish the world would learn would be "Bad planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part." Happy Thursday 13!

Ed said...

Thanks for the list. My favorite is "you never get anywhere without taking the first step"

Ed
http://edsthread.co.nr

Lisa said...

Number 3 is killing my workplace. Those are all so true.

Happy Thursday.

Joely Sue Burkhart said...

Giggles, #5 is my favorite. Off to stomp the crap out of That Man!

Ann said...

How about Groucho Marx's: "outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside a dog it's to dark to read."

Buck Naked Politics (Damozel) said...

I'd like to make 10 into a sampler. But 11 is my favorite....

Suprina said...

Love #10!
Great TT13!

Nicholas said...

These are all very true.

Thomma Lyn said...

Wylie, I love those! My best advice came from an uncle of mine who told me, "Whatever you do, THINK." Sounds simple, but it's saved my ass more times than I could count. :)

Happy TT, my friend!

Joy Renee said...

thanx for the wisdom on the rocks (rib-rocking chuckles)

my TT is 13 titles of stories from my Fruit of the Spirit storyworld which is pretty much consuming my time and attention since I joined the Sweat for Seventy challenge.

Lady Rose said...

a very sweet list :)

Christine d'Abo said...

I love Dave Barry! Number 11 had me grinning like a fool. I would have laughed, but my co-workers already think I'm insane.

Tilly Greene said...

He he he, loving the men are grapes :-) And we're all above average drivers - who pay their taxes so can drive 55 in the fast lane if we darn well feel like it!

Thank you for the laugh darlin' :-)

Sparky Duck said...

great find Wyles

5 is true, though I hate to admit it
7 is true beyond belief
hell almost all of them are true

Lori said...

OMG...LMAO. What a great list. #11 made me laugh out loud....thanks for the giggle:) Happy TT. BTW...I know your not 50. You dont look a day over 30!!

Barbara H. said...

Some are so true, and some are so funny!

SusieJ said...

Ah Yes. These could each make a novel by themselves. Thank your for such a thoughtful list.

julia said...

LOL! I love Dave Barry. #12 is a killer. As for sage advice, my cousin once said to me, when I was contemplating mature studenthood at university, "You'll be 30 whether you go to school or not. Might as well get the degree while you're at it."

Candy Minx said...

Those were very funny...and they sucker punched me all the way through, the way they were written. Hey I've missed you...hope life is leving out in some way!

Cheers
Candy

if you have time stop by...my TT is all photos this week...easy!

Amy Ruttan said...

# 2 and #7 oh yes absolutely true!!

And #5 and 11 ROFL, I don't even want to know how you figured that out.

As for 13, yep, I do love ya, you're the best!

Lisa Andel said...

I know too many people that violate #9. And I hope you didn't learn #11 from personal experience.

My greatuncle had a line that used to crack me up: "Make sure the dog is in the room before you blame him for farting."

SlipOfAGirl said...

#7 is tooooo true. :sigh:

I'd post something I've learned, but just creating my 13 was taxing enough... Perhaps what I've learned is that 4 hours of sleep isn't enough (at least at this age lol)

Alyssa Goodnight said...

I keep telling myself to just get up and dance, but my self-consciousness is holding me down.

Great list!

Rebecca said...

hee hee - they were hilarious.

But I have to tell you Wylie, that I AM an above-average driver. Everyone else may be deluded but not me. I. Am. Exceptional.

And, having done a LOT of waitressing in my twenties...I have to agree with number 2!!

Danielle said...

I'm glad I've got a few of those down. Great List

Be well and enjoy the day.
Happy TT.
For more of my Modern Musings
Progressive Change

samulli said...

Oh my god. Funny and oh so true for the most part. My favorites are # 4, 5 and 11. Hilarious.

I'm not realy up on life lessons (never paid attention, which probably explains the state my life is in right now LOL), but my favorite saying is:
"Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

Oh, and of course: "Everybody lies." which I learned from Dr. House and liked so much that I chose it as name for my blog. ;o)